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How To Be A Dom: A Beginner’s Guide To Being A Good Dominant

How To Be A Dom

As interest in all things domination has increased, let’s examine the definitions of the terms dom and domming, as well as how to be a Dom. If you are self-aware, empowered, empathetic and sensitive, you have the keys to a glorious kingdom of pleasure and self-exploration. You get to express yourself while also providing amazing experiences for your sub.

Being a Dom takes time, practice and creativity. If you’re serious about the BDSM lifestyle and want to strengthen your connection with your submissive, this guide will teach you everything you need to know to become better than Christian Grey.

What Is A Bad Dom

A Dom is somebody who enjoys playing with a submissive person (or people). The submissive follows, serves and appreciates having a lower status, while the dominant is in charge, leading and controlling what happens. They are the “Alpha”, which is why “Dom” is usually spelled with a capital letter and “sub” is usually spelled with a lowercase letter. 

There are two main types:

  • Soft Dom: someone who requests obedience rather than demanding submission. They can test limits and are consistent in their role, but in a gentler way.
  • Hard Dom: someone who expects their sub to obey them. They will push the boundaries by issuing harsher commands.

Types Of Doms

Dominance can take many different forms. Here are some types of doms you might come across:

Daddy Dom

Typically, the Daddy assumes the lead. It might be sexual, but it’s not always necessary. Some people practice it privately or as a regular part of their lives. Daddy Dom tends to take care of others and loves the gentler, more delicate aspects of doing so. They act as mentors or father figures for their submissives.

Sadist Dom

A sadist Dom relishes hurting or punishing his submissive. Bondage and impact play will be of interest to the sadist Dom. A sadist dominator could also take pleasure in verbally shaming or demeaning their partner.

Some BDSM punishment ideas include spanking (read more) and flogging.

Owner Dom

Most frequently, when someone refers to being “owned” they refer to the relationship between an owner and a slave, although this isn’t always the case. Being “owned” does not require one to adopt a slave mentality. You and your partner can define what it means together. Owner Dom can apply to both owning a submissive who enjoys acting like a pet and owning a submissive who is a submissive slave.

During pet play, the Dom would dress his sub in a collar and let it spend the night in a cage while feeding the submissive from a bowl on the floor. If you like to be an Owner Dom, you may be interested in a primal Dom role too.

Romantic Dom

A caring or romantic Dom enjoys spoiling his submissive. They want to please the sub and could play a role in daily decisions, such as what the sub wears and eats. Submissives see their caregivers as a safe place that helps them feel better on a daily basis.

If you want to make your submissive happy, you can also try to be a service Dom.

Financial Dom

Financial dominance is a power-exchange agreement where a Dom is in a position of controlling the submissive’s finances. The most common form is for a submissive male to transfer control of his finances to a dominating woman, frequently a professional financial dominatrix, usually without any exchange of explicit sexual services. The majority of financial dominants use email, instant messaging or webcam to connect with their submissives.

Unlike other power-exchange relationships, this type typically does not involve sexual activity. 

Rigger Dom

A rigger is a dominant who takes pleasure in controlling submissives using restraint and bondage. A person who enjoys tying ropes is known as a “rigger”. A rigger can restrain a submissive using various methods. Riggers may use their rope bondage for sex, but they may also do so for performance, art or photography. Even though they can tie themselves up, riggers typically prefer to use their abilities on other people. The subs trust the rigger to tie them up securely, allowing themselves to be bound in elaborate designs and knots.

If you want to find the best rope for bondage, visit our blog post to find out more.

How To Be A Good Dom

Being A Good Dom

A “good” Dom will dominate their submissive while remaining mindful and considerate. They will actively listen and learn from their subordinates. A good dominant who is part of the BDSM community frequently looks for something other than what is considered mainstream in terms of mental, psychological, physical and sexual gratification. Although power is important in this type of dynamic, there is a lot of respect, nurturing and communication between all the parties involved.

Create A Safe Environment

The importance of both the submissive’s and dominant’s physical, mental and emotional safety is crucial. Because many Dom and sub relationships involve some level of bondage, discipline and punishment, it is the dominant’s responsibility to limit drug and alcohol use during role-play and always be aware of the submissive’s state of being. Even if you’re not doing the kind of BDSM that necessitates special equipment, you’ll need safe words or a traffic light system if subs feel uncomfortable.

Make sure your safe word is a word or phrase that would never be used in regular play so that it is immediately clear if either of you asks the other to stop.

Build The Backstory

Consider any domination scene you’ve seen in a movie or a real-life sex party. There was a lot of backstory, conversations and time invested in that relationship to allow that scene to play out as it did. 

  • Use your imagination and discover what piques your interest. 
  • Sit down with your partner and have an open discussion about your desires, what turns you on and where you draw the line. It’s critical to be as specific as possible with your partner about what you want and don’t want, just as they should be with you.
  • Choosing a location to do the deed is part of a BDSM game plan. That could be a hotel on your next vacation where it might be easier to channel a different persona.

You’re fine as long as it’s a story in which you feel safe. 

Understand The Psychology Of Submission

We believe you cannot be a good Dom unless you understand submission psychology. Who will you be playing with? We believe it is critical to ask this question and talk to them to see if you can get on the same page in terms of playing style.

The more time you spend learning about this, the better you will be.

Work On Your Communication

Working On Communication

A Dom-sub dynamic is built on communication. Good communication is difficult and takes a lot of practice, but is essential. Here are some steps you can take to improve communication with your submissive:

  • Build Trust: It is not always easy to be truthful. However, if you want your partner to trust you completely, you must tell the truth, even if it is painful. When you have 25, don’t claim to have 15 years of experience. Lying about your experience can damage your credibility and trust.
  • Maintain Regular Check-Ins: Set aside a time during the week to discuss your Dom-sub relationship with your partner. You will evolve. This can include preferences, dislikes, kinks, hard limits, play methods, relationship needs or orientation. For the duration of this conversation, drop the power play. You must both approach it as equals.
  • Pay Attention: Pay attention to what the other person is saying. It’s better for everyone to say what they mean and communicate their needs. If they say something that irritates you, don’t lash out. Recognize their feelings, even if you don’t agree with them. If you make someone feel heard, they are more likely to listen to your point of view and you can reach an agreement together.
  • Avoid Judgment: Avoid passing judgment on what others say, especially when discussing sexual topics. This will effectively end the conversation, leaving you in a worse position.


People engage in various activities during aftercare, depending on their preferences and desires. You can:

  • Snuggle and kiss
  • Make ardent love
  • Provide your sub with blankets, water, food or anything else they desire
  • Praise them and express your admiration for their efforts during the scene
  • Assist them in icing any injuries or applying lotion to them
  • Bathe or shower together

You want to do anything to help you and your sub transition back to reality as smoothly as possible.

How To Be More Dominant

How To Be More Dominant

Here are a few tips on standard sexual dominance for taking more control:

  • Permission & Punishment 

During your BDSM session, the sub must request permission to carry out specific tasks. Consider setting up a few sexy rules and punishments when you first become the Dom. Spanking, edging or chastity and bondage are all common punishments.

  • Spanking & Impact Play

Erotic spanking is a type of impact play in which the dom spanks parts of the sub’s body with their hands, a whip, paddle or crop for consensual and mutual sexual pleasure. Spanking can be used as foreplay before sexual intercourse or as a kinky punishment during submission and dominance play.

  • Dirty Talk 

In a D/s relationship, using specific language in the bedroom is an important part of dominant behavior. Dirty talk can also be used to describe what you’re about to do to your sub or how you’d like them to behave.

  • Role-Play

Role-play can help jumpstart the action of a D/s scenario because it provides easy roles for each person to slip into and allows you to distance yourself from the situation if you’re feeling a little stage fright.

  • Outfits

D/s frequently includes specific outfits or attire that you can wear during a scene. Doms, for example, may wear leather outfits, suits and boots or heels, whereas subs may wear collars, leashes or role-play costumes such as maid outfits.

  • Bondage

Bondage is a sexual practice in which the dominant person restrains the sub during a sexual encounter using tools. Ropes, leather straps, bondage tape, ties, handcuffs, spreader bars, ball gags, blindfolds and chains are the most common restraints.

Frequently Asked Questions

A dom means someone who takes control of the situation. In sexual relationship one person is dominant and the other is submissive in a consensual BDSM scene. But keep in mind that being a Dom entails a great deal of responsibility. Doms need to project strength and control through their speech and body language. It entails a long-term power exchange dynamic that benefits all parties involved in the BDSM world.

A Dominant is someone who likes to lead, guide, protect, enforce and decide on how the scene unfolds. You can think of a D/s relationship as an exchange of power dynamics. A Dom is someone who maintains the space of trust and exercises control responsibly. Being a dominant does not imply aggression, manipulation or emotional abuse.

Domming is stealing power from your sub, who is willingly handing it over to you. BDSM is primarily a role-playing game. All the BDSM activities are pre-planned and agreed upon. There may appear to be reluctance or resistance from the submissive, but this is always a pre-planned element of the game.

Doms like being doms because they like the feeling of control. They enjoy being assertive and controlling how the scene unfolds. Being a dominant in a Dom-sub relationship feels good and natural to these people and it increases their sexual attraction. Someone who enjoys being dominant is experimenting with control fantasies and what it would be like to have authority over someone.

A BDSM contract is an agreement between a “sub” (submissive) and a “Dom” (dominant). It contains terms on subjects such as the duration of the relationship, boundaries or the parties’ hygienic needs. These contracts are negotiated, drafted and framed similarly to traditional contracts and have become an increasingly accepted part of BDSM practice.


Many people enjoy introducing power dynamics into the bedroom, either as a submissive or a dominant role, in order to increase their pleasure and explore new and unique sexual fantasies. Now, with our guide on how to be a Dom, you can try to play a dominant role in your sex life, discover your own limits and fulfill your own desires.

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